Money is one of the top reasons that people argue or fall out. With Relate saying,
“One in ten people argue with their partner about money, debt or finances at least once a fortnight”
Does this sound like you? Would you like to be able to manage finances with your partner in a harmonious way? Well read on to create some more harmony.
WHY DO WE ARGUE ABOUT MONEY?
There are many reasons, mainly because we often make assumptions without discussing them like who is going to pick up the bill or organise the finances. We may have differing goals but we don’t know what they are and so we get irritated with the other person. One of us might be a spender and the other a saver. We also bring our own personal money beliefs into the relationship which influence our habits, behaviours and attitudes when it comes to money.
THERE IS NO ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL
The first point to recognise is there are many different ways of managing money in a relationship and there is no 100% right way of doing it. No one-size-fits-all approach. I know you were looking for a quick fix, one size fits all, but if you know me by now, it doesn’t work like that. I’m afraid there’s a bit of work involved. This is a really interesting read where the writer interviewed ten different couples on how they managed their finances.
TALK ABOUT IT
The main thing is communication. We just don’t talk about it! I know, I know!! Talk about money?! Bleurgh! 🤮 But like I said in my last post, it’s just got to be done and we’ve got to start making money conversations the norm.
If you are in those heady early days of a relationship where everything is rosy and you love everything about them 😍 (even the way they slurp their tea 🤨) have the chat as early as possible. Make talking about money part of normal conversation. I cannot stress this enough.
The NUMBER ONE way you can reduce money stress is to have open communication about your finances. Be open with your partner, share any debts and your current financial situation. Be honest.
“One in seven (14%) adults have hidden debt from a partner – and half of these are still hiding it”
“Almost half of debt advice clients have hidden debt from a partner”
Share all of it- the good, the bad and the ugly. Make a nicer scenario of it, plan it in the diary and don’t do it when emotionally charged. Go on a date or plan a nice meal and then discuss your finances. No matter how awkward the initial conversation, you will never regret coming up with a plan to address your finances.
SET JOINT GOALS
Being on the same page with financial goals will help to strengthen your relationship and your finances. Make sure you talk about what is important to each of you. Include your needs, wants and values. Discuss your goals, whether this is to pay off debts, a once in a lifetime trip, building longer term savings or retiring early and then set these together.
CREATE A PLAN- TOGETHER
What are your strengths and weaknesses? One of you might be a spender, one might be a saver. It’s about bringing together those attributes and creating a balance between you and not about one of you being “better” or “bad” with money. Discuss how you will manage shared finances and financial responsibilities- don’t leave it all to one person, make all financial decisions together. When you design a spending plan/budget, create a plan that works for both of you. Take the emotion out of it, treat it like you would treat a meeting at work and have an agenda.
PS make sure you plan in money for date nights and building an emergency fund. Having an emergency fund massively reduces stress when things go wrong. And date nights help you to remember why it is you’re with this person 😘
TRACK AND REVIEW REGULARLY
Once you have created your plan, track it! Keep talking about it and make it a regular thing. Have a monthly money date and weekly mini-dates. Having these regular review meetings means you can be proactive rather than reactive. You can foresee any bumps in the road and plan for them accordingly without the reactive stress.
When you work together to manage your money happily and efficiently, you can start to make plans for bigger and better goals. The world is your oyster! 💪
Don’t be afraid to seek professional help from an unbiased third party if you need it. Book in a call with me.