9 tips for when the thought of money conversations sends you running for cover

The topic of money and relationships comes up a lot with my clients and just through general chit chat with my followers. As a result of these conversations (see what I did there? 😎), I am creating a mini-series around money and relationships (to tie in with the month of lurve ❤️).

First up is how to have conversations about money.

Oh come on Cat, talk about money? You’ve got to be kidding!!

No, I’m not kidding. Talking about money has become such a taboo subject. Finance is our least favourite topic of conversation, with us opting to talk more about sex. I’m a bit of a geek and love a bit of data so I did a bit of research around the topic of money conversations, here are some snippets of what I discovered…

Do any of these ring any bells?

I found it really interesting when Gaby Dunn shared how she asked strangers 2 questions

And she found that people would answer the first question quite happily and quite enthusiastically but was met with tumbleweeds when it came to the second question. I touched on this a little in a previous post.

It is interesting to note that not talking about money came from a list of dinner party etiquette from many moons ago. However, Brits appear to have taken it one step further and stuck to it steadfastly for decades. BUT when we talk about money, we feel better about it and as a result feel more positive about it. So many people are facing money problems and although talking about them won’t make those problems magically disappear, it really does help.

Talking about it is good for our financial well-being, and there are huge links between money and mental health. Research has shown that the more debt a person has, the more likely they are to suffer with their mental health. Let’s face it, talking about money will never be sexy but it’s vital that this is not a topic we should be avoiding. Sharing can definitely help, and talking it through with someone can make us feel better, after all the old adage is, “a problem shared is a problem halved.”

There are a lot of feelings that may come with that: shame, guilt, embarrassment so choose who you share with. I had this feedback in a recent questionnaire.

“Most awkward [conversation] was when I let slip to one of my best friends that I had debt. The look of horror on her face meant I quickly skipped past it and we pretended like I had never mentioned it. The shame that I felt still burns me up inside to this day.”

It could be that you enlist the services of a coach. Many of my clients have felt a huge relief at finally being able to talk about money.

“I cried when I got off the call as there was such an enormous weight lifted off me.”

Conversations about money don’t have to be difficult, or lead to arguments. There are also a huge range of people that we may need to have conversations with: partners, family, friends, work colleagues; and a wide range of reasons. Here are some tips on how to get started and make them a more positive experience:

1. Just start. There’s never a “right” time so be the one to initiate the conversation.
2. Book the conversation in advance. Block out some time, when you know that the conversation isn’t going to be on the fly in between the stressful things that may be going on around you. 
3. Take turns to speak and listen. 
4. Be brave. It may feel uncomfortable and awkward but those conversations really are worth having. We shouldn’t be getting ourselves into financial difficulty simply because we want to avoid a mildly awkward conversation. Most of the time our friends and family are feeling a similar sort of stress and will feel relieved that someone has brought it up.
5. Be honest. With your friends, family and yourself. Rather than making it about what you can’t afford, talk about what you can. Starting with what you can afford opens up a more positive discussion.
6. Be prepared. Create an agenda which can take the emotion out if it. Think about reviewing your budget/spending plan, think about savings goals and a plan for paying off debt.
7. Keep the conversation positive. Address things early. If you have things coming up that may be a struggle financially, discuss a plan for them. Also keep an open mind and focus on the future rather than past financial decisions. 
8. Set expectations in advance. Decide what your expectations are. Rehearse them if you need to. 
9. Make your own financial well-being a priority. As with number 4, getting yourself into financial difficulty simply to avoid a mildly awkward conversation is not going to help your financial well-being. If you’re getting stressed and even in debt because of it, think about prioritising your own financial well-being for a change.

If you’re interested in finding out more about what a financial coach is then here is a post explaining just that and by all means send me an email here. I love to chat! I’m all for opening up money conversations and stopping the topic from being so taboo. Otherwise, find me over on Instagram where I share more snippets and again, love to chat!